Chronicals of an only child.

Oh Tatum Tatum Tatum. Where do I start! This sweet girl has been the only child for 6 whole years. She is used to being catered to, loved on, and payed attention to 24/7. It has been SO hard not to spoil her highness, but I think we have done a pretty good job of telling her no sometimes ;) She still wants to be picked up and snuggled at night(still okay by me!) and loves her blanket. I am trying to prepare her for big sister hood. About a month ago we were on our way to gymnastics and here is the conversation that we had:

Me: Tatum, I have a great dream. Do you want to know what it is?

Tatum: Yeah mommy.

Me: It's you sitting next to me on the couch. We have a blanket and I am holding our new baby and we are both trying to make it laugh. Our new baby is so happy because it has a big sister like you!

Tatum: Oh. Thats so nice mom. You want to know what I dream about?

Me: Oh! What do you dream about Tatum.

Tatum: I dream of having my own horse.

Me: LOL.

It was funny. It was my feeble attempt to get her excited about having a new baby around. I know that she is excited to be a big sister but for some reason I don't think that she can fathom the thought because she has been alone for so long. I don't think she really "gets" it. I have been talking about adopting a lot lately and she now asks me just about everyday when she gets into the car after school if I have our baby yet.( we are getting there....ya know closer to her "getting" it) I reply.....I wish sweetheart! Hopefully someday soon. She is going to be the funnest older sister ever. I CAN'T WAIT!

I dream.......DREAM of the day that Shane and I get to introduce Tatum to her new baby brother or sister. It is something that I have dreamed about for years.....that first meeting. That precious moment that I am not going to be able to hold back the tears for. I love (although for awhile it was a bit painful to see) seeing on TV other children's faces light up when they are introduced to their siblings for the first time. I have been imagining of what Tatum's face will look like when she meets our precious baby. I feel so incredibly hopeful that the wait won't be too long now. But like I always say......here is to enjoying this until we have another sweet lil one.......cause after that it will be double the fun!

FSA carnival

I also updated our adoption blog on how conference went. If you want to read it go to the right and click on Home Sweet Adoption, www.tryingtoadoptababy.blogspot.com. The night before conference FSA puts on a family fun time carnival! Here is tiger Tatum at the carnival. It was really fun to see everyone there! We brought Tatum's friend Grace with us and they had a blast. There was this amazing face painter. My friend Angie stumbled upon her. This face painter placed her child 40 years ago and has always wanted to get involved in doing service. She painted the faces of all of our little friends at the carnival. She was so good that I was very tempted to become a zebra for the night.

These two are hilariously cute together. Grace's face is painted like a peacock.

One of the booths there was throw a wet sponge at someone's face. I volunteered my fun husband. He was such a good sport as the girls tossed that thing in his face. Pretty funny to watch. These pictures aren't the greatest because I took them on Shane's phone.

She just had to. It being Halloween recently, she got these teeth and wanted to look like a real tiger before I had daddy go upstairs and wash all the paint off her face. She is an animal girl like her mama. I love it.

FSA regional conference.

I posted this to our adoption blog but for some reason you are unable to pull it up from our family blog so for certain purposes I am going to post it right here!

This weekend is the Families Supporting Adoption regional conference. November is National Adoption month and I will be co-teaching a 1 hour class and will be a panelist to tell my story as an adoptee. Do I dare say how nervous I am? I am. So. Very. This subject that I am to talk about is so very near and dear to my heart. It makes me cry, it makes me laugh, it makes me have anxiety. It is beautiful. Here is a little bit of what I am going to say, while I am not going to bring this paper with me, I think that it was imperative to write it so that I would be prepared. I didn't want to read from a paper when I told my story, I wanted to have the Spirit lead and guide me on what to say. I wrote it because I wanted to document it plus it really made me think when I wrote it. Here it goes!

As early as I can remember, my parents have told me that I was adopted. The story is super cute and my dad still gets a little choked up when he tells the story about the day that they placed me in their arms and how they just KNEW that I was their baby. They would tell me, Shelley, you are SO special. They said it over and over again. These words were important to me growing up. You are special. I knew that I was special and being adopted has been one of the biggest blessings in my life!

I was born on January 14^th 1982 in Phoenix Arizona. I was placed in my wonderful parents arms at the Mesa LDS family services office on January 22^nd, 8 days after my birth. Even though I do not remember it, I know that it was one of the best days of my little life.

With closed adoptions 30 years ago there was such limited information. All that my parents receive after placement was a small three to four paragraph piece of paper. It is basically family and medical history, which was very vague. It has some facts of where the family originated. Still the facts are broad. I have read it thousands of times in hopes to pull something more out of it.

If I could have my wish, I would liked to have known these things:

About my birthmother:

What is her name?

What does she look like? Do I look like her?

How old was she when she had me?

What does she like to do?

Can she sing or play a musical instrument?

What type of personality traits did I inherit from her?

Where does she live?

What is all the medical history in her family?

Is she happy?

Did she have more children?

If she has a family do they know about me?

What did she do with her life?

Is she doing the things that Heavenly Father would have her do?

Did she ever see me?

I was born by C- section and so a lot of times back then they would put the mother under for this procedure. I have no idea if my birthmother ever even saw or held me before she let me go. I would really love to know that!

With my birthfather I didn’t have quite so many questions but I did always wonder where he went and ended up.

What was he like?

Is he happy?

Is he doing the things that Heavenly Father would want him to be doing?

Some of you would ask why do you want to know these things? My answer to that would be that it definitely differs from person to person. Having a few friends, a couple of cousins and my own mother having been adopted I know that I am not alone on some of the questions that I have had. Growing up, when people would find out that I was adopted, there was always a really positive reaction and then they would ask a whole bunch of questions that I was NOT prepared to answer. I didn’t know any of the answers and there is so many questions that a person can take when they just don’t know. I want to make a note before I go any further that it is different for everyone and these are my own personal feelings. I am sure that I made my mom’s head spin at all of the million questions that I spit at her. I would always ask her if she was hiding something from me and often would snoop in their stuff to find a document or letter of some sort. The truth is that the letters or hidden documents that I had hoped to find had never even existed. It was hard and me being a very curious girl to begin with wasn’t making it any easier. Here is the way that I coped with not knowing the things that I wondered and the things that people would ask me: I used to make things up. I used a toy bunny that I told everyone she gave to me. I even went as far as telling everyone that my birthmother was Whitney Houston! For those of you who don’t know her, she is very black and an amazing singer. I used to think I could sing exactly like her when I was 5 & 6. I remember telling my mom very seriously that I thought that she truly was my birth mother and then proceeded to sing “ Oh I wanna dance with somebody.” You know....just to prove it. To this day my family won’t let me live it down. If she comes up on TV or is on a poster somewhere my siblings laugh and say “Hey Shelley! It’s your birth mom!” It’s pretty funny now.

Now while I have a lot of questions about my origin and birth parents, I do need to add that there is one very important question that I can answer without fail. I found this answer through personal revelation. Why? Why they did it. Well everyone I KNOW why. It is because they loved me. They wanted something more for their precious daughter of Heavenly Father that they chose to place me with two wonderful parents that were able to provide me with so much. I am very sure that I was meant to go to the family that I went to and I had the most amazing childhood ever! By doing what they did, my birthparents provided me with a stable, spiritually sustaining home with a mother and a father, where I was able to thrive upon my parent’s wonderful testimonies. They taught me about the Savior and what it meant to be a good example and serve other people. They were able to give me four siblings shortly after I came to the family. They took me to the temple when I was one to be sealed to them for all of Eternity by my very own grandfather, who was a temple sealer. My birthparents gave me the gift of being raised in a home where I learned that we are all God’s children.

I am a mother of one precious little girl. She is six years old and her name is Tatum. My husband and I feel so blessed to have her and know that Heavenly Father sent her to us so that we can teach her how to live her life in a way that emulates the Savior. It is a humbling experience and I feel such a responsibility to do it right. I feel that the knowledge and testimony that I have of the gospel is a direct blessing that came from my birth parent’s decision to place me in the home that they did. They were not ready for the challenges of parenthood and knew that it was important for me to go to my family. I commend, respect and love them so much for that.

On August 11^th of this year, my husband Shane and I entered the very same LDS family services building that I was placed in my parents arms 29 years and 10 months ago. I am so happy to announce that we are now embarking on our own adoption journey. My husband and I just got certified and our profile is up on the LDS family services website. We are currently looking for our baby and we could not be more excited! We look forward to welcoming a new baby into our home to love, to teach, and to guide throughout this life. So you see? The decision that my birth parents made so long ago continues to bless my life and those that I love. My very own special parents that raised me, those wonderful and amazing parents taught me how to be who I am today. I love them so much. I would have never had their great examples and guidance if my birth parents had not been so selfless.

I love my birth parents. It would be so great if I could someday get the answers to the questions that I have behind those two mystery people that I love. While it is not totally important to my happiness to know the things I want to about them, I feel that it would be a sort of healing experience and would put an end to all the wondering. I want to make sure that when we are placed with a beautiful child of our Heavenly Father, that they will never have any of the questions that I had growing up.

For those of you trying to adopt or if you plan on placing your child, try to have an open mind and remember my story when deciding if you will do an open or closed adoption. I hope that I have been able to tell my story and relay my feelings in an adequate way that can help support you in the decisions that you make with adoption. My hope for all children is that they will grow up healthy, happy, and strong. That they will have the kind of stability and wonderful home that I was placed in. It is my prayer that the children who are adopted will not grow up with unanswered questions about their birth parents and that they will come to know and embrace our Savior Jesus Christ. I love being adopted. It is a true gift and I leave these things that I have said with you and wish you well in all of your endeavors to come!

In a nutshell! These are some of the things that I will say at conference. I will probably elaborate much more. Who knows what will come out of my mouth. I feel that sometimes I can be a loose cannon without any filters. Wish me luck that I don't say something silly! Anything could come out of my mouth. I'll update with pictures later:)

Happy Halloween! Cruella DeVil. If she doesn't scare you no evil thing will! Man this girl was in character the whole time she was in costume. I swear. Maybe I should put her in acting classes.....she seems to shine in this area.

I. Love. Her.

Cruella checking herself out before our ward party and handsome Uncle Chase walking Tayters to the trunk or treat party. He is such a good uncle and we are so lucky that we have him. Tatum loves to watch movies with Uncle Chase. I have the best brothers!

Mommy's masterpiece! Never thought I would have so much fun doing her Halloween costumes.

Ah!

Kindergarten parade day. She wouldn't wave at anyone.....look at anyone and stayed in character the whole time! She is trying hard not to crack a smile in the picture below....one of my favorite things she does.

So I tried to have Toby be a dalmation puppy for Cruella De Vil. These are tights with cut holes in them to make them look like spots. He was fine breathing and everything but I just couldn't do it. He looked too uncomfortable! So we decided to take it off of him. Boy was he happy!

Getting ready to knock on Ma ma ma's door. In the next picture while we were waiting for my grandma to open the door she heard the neighbor's spooky sounds tape that was playing at his front door. She wasn't too sure about it and Aunt Megan and I were laughing while I was taking this shot. Classic.

Halloween would not be the same without my dear grandparents. Ma ma ma and Pa pa pa. I

think it is safe to say that these guys are the best people in the world. They are the perfect examples of how to live a happy life and they love their family so much. They are the best......ever.

Aunt Megan! Came all the way to see her in her costume. LOVE HER.

WHo is this?

Ha ha! You fooled us Grandma Hakes. This lady walked up and pretended to trick or treat. Nobody knew who she was until she took off her disguise!

Shane has such a cute grandma! Love her.

This one is CARAZAY! Mr. Titan wouldn't let me get a good picture of his costume so I had to force him to lay down. I got the picture a little bit later on in the night but man! Is is a tough nut. If he don't wanna.....snot going to happen. He is a funny kid. Greg and Brittany have their hands totally full.

Nama Pat. I tried to get a cute picture of her running into Nama's arms but my camera bites. It was no good. She does it just about every time she sees her so... next time!

Uncle Jake showed up when she was trick or treating to say hi and see her in her costume. I really am so blessed to have such awesome family that love my little girl so much. Uncle JXTC is so good with Tatum. She loves it when he plays his guitar just for her.

Tatum and Preslie. She is a baker! If you ask her what color her hair is she shouts RED!

She is a true red head spit fire girl. Next picture is her little sister kitty cat Laikyn with her favorite Auntie Shelley. You can't tell but her hair is bright red too. I have the cutest nieces! Really. Every single one of them are adorable.

Some of the crew from the Breinholt Halloween party. Not everyone but a good mix!

It's Morph man Danny Anderson! Happy to announce that he is going on a mission to Philly! Right where our very own Cody and Ashley live!

He reports December 7th. The first grandchild to go. I can't believe we will have a nephew out on a mission. This makes me feel kind of old! We love Danny boy.

Overall it was a good Halloween. I am glad that it is over....it is kind of getting to be a big holiday over here. I am excited for this fun time of year. Lots of boutiques, crafting and having fun planning parties. Let the festivities begin!

Two weeks in paradise. Holy pictures.

Hawaii! Here we go! Time to take off to go visit Nashy boy for her birthday! Tatum was extremely nervous to fly. I think it was a mistake to let her see the first episode of lost. After seeing it some time ago she has said that she never wanted to go on a plane. She was gripping our hands for the first 5 minutes after take off. Good thing we had markers or I don't know if she would have ever let go.

On the way home from the airport we stopped at the Pali lookout. It was SO windy. Ponytail holder.....ahhh that's better. We are ready to hang out with my sister Allie, her husband Matt and her two awesome kids Nash and Maisy. They are in Hawaii doing Matt's first year as a doctor. They are going to have the best time of their lives. That place is beautiful! So glad to visit them.

So happy to see these two!!

Maisy's hair did this number in the wind. Ha ha.

Good morning Hawaii! At Boots and Kimos for breakfast. Time to hit the beach Tatum, we are looking a little pasty!

HA HA HA! Tatum is trying to "surf". She really wanted to stand on the board and ride the waves. I kept telling her that it was the wrong kind of board to do that with. She said to WATCH! She has the right stance.

Our beautiful beautiful girl.

This was my view.

This is me, my Diet Coke and my darling daughter. Shane and Matt are in the Kayak somewhere in the water.

Paradise. Man I gotta stop drinking these. I was never a pop drinker before I met Shane. Vacation!

Tatum spent her time on the beach running for hours, swimming in the waves and laying on the sand. I tried to capture her so that I could remember how careless she was on these days at the beach and how nothing could worry or bother her while she was in her own little world enjoying the beach and waves.

Tatum looks so scared in this next picture. Shane took her out in the Kayak for a little ride. She got scared of sharks and made him turn right around. Maybe next time!!

Nash's darling little neighbor just shimmy's up the tree. He made it look so easy!

Fighting over who gets to go up the tree first! As close to sibling rivalry that Tatum has come. We'll take it.

Trying to shimmy up that papaya tree. It's monkey Tatum. Below is Maisy's first set of pigtails!

We decided to take everyone and go on a hike. We loaded up the neighbor kid, Nash, Tatum and baby Maisy and went out on an adventure in the nice weather.

Look at all that GREEN! We live in the desert. In the brown dirty desert and it's beautiful. However, after awhile you get sick of the heat and the brown. So you go to this green to visit. What a treat to go here on this hike!

Getting ready to go down and get in the watah!

Awwwwwww. Poor Maisy. When Allie was holding her eyes so that I could spray mosquito spray on her face she backed up and dodged. Some got in her eyes. I felt bad because her eyes were red and she was kinda sad for some of the hike! I like how she is licking her face too. How does it taste baby girl?

Sisters..Sisters.

What cutie little kiddos. This little neighbor kid is quite possibly one of the sweetest kids I have met. So nice. Glad he hangs with Nashy.

There was this sweet little natural rock slide. So fun and slippery! The downside? Snagged the cute Hurley suit! Worth it.

This picture of Shane and Tatum makes me smile.

Help me up Mama!

Shane and Tay Tay. We walked down to get some yummy shaved ice and

to view the beach in the late afternoon.

Tatum:"Mommy can I get in the water in my dress?" Me:" aaaaaa why not?!"

Tatum is so thrilled to be in the water with her clothes on!

Come on Daddy!

Shane had just tossed our girl in a wave. He is trying to teach her to body surf and she was loving it!

Oh my cuteness. Oh my cuteness.

I took Tatum snorkeling for the first time ever. She did pretty good and was happy pointing as all the colorful fish would swim by her. It was fun introducing her to a world that I fell in love with as a child as well. We went for 10 minutes before she wanted up for real air with no mask and tube. Here she is riding on my back on the way in. Way to go on your first snorkel Tatum. Heres to many many more.

On our way home from the beach and Tatum's first snorkeling excursion, getting shaved ice at Island Snow (I heard Obama frequents the place! Crazy. He grew up in that town) and eating Bob's Pizza. Twas a goooood day.

The day that we went to Sharks Cove. The best snorkeling place! While Matt and Allie went snorkeling, Maisy and I hung out on the beach and Shane played with the kids in the tide pools. We went snorkeling with Tatum before Matt and Allie went out and we have never seen so many fish before. It was like swimming through schools and schools of silver fish. There were huge colorful fish and even though the waters were turbulent that day and it was a little scary taking your little six year old in it I am glad we did. Tatum said it was really neat!

Picture of Sharks Cove. This was the calmer side and where the tide pools were. On the other side and to my right is where the big fish swim!

Maisy daisy. Isn't she beautiful?

I don't know why she reminds me of my dad in this picture. Maybe it is because she is my sister's baby and my sisters looks favor my dad. I don't know but she is pretty dang cute. She is a Papa Phil and Papa Chuck mix.

Girl poses and boy poses.

Shrimp truckin it! Tatum and Nash sitting by Giovanni's shrimp truck. Fresh. From the ocean. Smothered in butter and garlic. Need I say more? Uh.....so good.

He is such a boy. An adorable boy.

Yum. Could eat there every day.

The Coops. Such a cool skirt Al. Where on earth did you get that? :) Did your sister make that? Or did you get it at Anthro?

The last day that Shane was there. He had to go back to work and so we decided to go on an amazing straight up hill hike call the pillbox hike. We are standing on an old army hide out that overlooks all of Kailua. Tatum was running up it and when she came to the first break and view she said "WHOA THIS is BEAUTIFUL!" It was. I only managed to get one picture because our camera's battery was dying. It's a good one though.

UHmazing.

While we were all snorkeling I came across something that I thought looked like some sort of prehistoric sharks tooth. We all kinda thought it could be. A few hours later our minds were changed. The thing crumbled because it was just pressed dirt. It looked just like an old worn shark tooth. Better luck next time. Allie and I thought it would be fun to go and buy a couple of sharks teeth, hide them in the water's edge and take our kids on a shark tooth hunt. We were unable to locate any shark teeth at the store. Better luck next trip.

Looks like it's a pool day! You can still "surf" on a boogie board in the poolio right? My sister lives in a complex that has this simple yet beautiful pool. We spent a few days there (including Tatum's birthday party) watching the kids swim while reading and talking about nothing.

Ha! Perfect timing. Just out of the water. Saltwater and sand hurt the eyes.

These two are going to grow some dorsal fins I am sure of it.

Heisman!!

I am glad that I got this picture. She does this smile when you say to her.......smile for the camera! She reminds me of her daddy and how hard it was to pick an engagement photo because Shane's is the exact same slightly awkward, I am in pain type of smile. Shane has gotten better but if you don't believe me then scroll through the blog and find them. You might laugh. LOVE IT.

BCF's

(best cousins forever)

She needs every last crumb! YUM!

They were being water horses. Nuff said.

Pancake face at the famous Hukilau cafe. They have really good banana pancakes! Tatum's were plain of course. Heaven forbid her eat any fruit or veggies. I did however manage to get down her two bites of carrots, a brussel sprout and 6 green beans. ALL covered in cheese. If any of you know Tatum's food intake history this is nothing short of a miracle.

While my sister and brother in law went to the temple, I took the girls to Hukilau beach!By myself. Taking kids to the beach is tiring! Fun but tiring. I was thinking oh my heck........how does one do this with more than two kids? People do all the time. It was great practice for when Shane and I have another one!

After the beach we went to Surfin Tacos. Tatum went outside and posed for this picture.

On the way home. I guess I wore them out.....or was it the other way around?

We ate tons of this stuff called shaved ice.

Poor Maisy didn't get her own. She is begging for bites from these two.

These two were the "mini" parents of this baby. They would play house and Nash was the Dad and Tatum was the Mom. Maisy was a good sport!

This monkey. I wanted to pick him up and give him a kiss on the mug. He looks like he has a white beard. Why are they so cute??

You can hardly see this sweet orangutan because of the glare.

This guy is called an alligator Garr and they live in India.

We found a horse and milked a plastic cow's udders. Love the ZOO!

Nash: " Tatum, why do you think giraffe's necks are so long?" Tatum: " I don't know. Lets go. Giraffes are boring."

Looking at a big hippo. We have never seen a hippo in the flesh and it was pretty neato.

While we were at Costco I had Tatum and Maisy in the same cart. Maisy kept leaning over for some Tatum love. It was so very sweet so I pulled out my camera and snapped a couple of pics of this precious moment. Below is what the drive home looked like. Wow. I know that it is like this all the time there but it never ceases to amaze me when I see it.

Going to the zoo was so much fun that we decided that it would be a great idea to go toad hunting that same night. These little buggers were EVERYWHERE. Despite them peeing on you when you catch them it was really fun! We would catch them and then take them down to the koi fish pond and let them go. For some reason the kids thought it was fun to fling them across the top of the water like they were skipping stones. Good thing they can swim!

Sprinkle kisses!

My sister is a total rockstar. She helped me plan a birthday party for Tatum in Hawaii and even invited all of Nash's friends. Me and my sis made the octopus brownie bites for Tatum's party. Tatee does not do cupcakes or frosting. She had a plain one for desert. Wierdo!

Yep. The next one is boy poses and girl poses!

Make a wish! I hope she wished for a baby brother or sister!!

They are playing transformers and barbies. I won't even repeat the conversations they had.

Funny!

Oh boyeeee! This baby is busy busy. It wouldn't matter if I had hidden my purse up a tree, this one would find it. I. LOVE. HER! Above is what happened on a daily basis. Wallet emptying is her specialty.

Now here is a very lively, fun, sweet lady ( love her pose )! This is our Aunt Jackie. Shane's dad's sister and she is such a wonderful person. She and her husband Dave are on a church service mission to the polynesian cultural center. The last night that Tatum and I were in town we went there to go to the haunted lagoon and pay a visit to them. This woman is entertaining and hilarious. Here is one of the many stories that I recall of her in all her glory. There was a big family party shortly after we got married. As I was talking to her about how fun it was to be married she interrupted and yelled " DID YOU HEAR THAT EVERYONE? SHANE AND SHELLEY ARE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!!!!" It was mortifying.....but funny. We had only been married for a month. There were so many people that I had to tell.....yes I am having a baby but not for at least two years and NO. I am not pregnant. I do admire her and it was really great to see her.

Tatum and I are fresh out of bed. It was our last day and we wanted to go to the beach and go swimming for a little bit after we dropped Nash off at preschool.

This is how we feel about leaving. There is Ichat and phones but that could never replace the awesome kisses of Nash and the sweet cuddle hugs and open mouth kisses from Maisy. Can't replace the happiness I feel when me and my sister sit side by side and laugh together at our hilarious kids. I love my sister. We loved being with Matt, Allie, Nash and Maisy and will miss them while they live on paradise island. We hope to go back as soon as we can. We love you guys. Till next time! Now home to Daddy. We missed our man.

This video is precious.